It needs a wrapper NOW!!

I just landed at Arlanda. I was going from my hometown to my new hometown since 2 years back.
The flight takes roughly 50 minutes and I gotta say I think I found the time limit as well for my patience.
I always book a seat in the back cause wierdly enough most of the people book their seats in the front of the plane which I really dont understand at all...Isnt actually safer to be in the back of the plane IF we are going down? Besides that its way more convenient to get on and off the plane if you´re seated in the back; always faster. But I dont really do it for the safety at all...Its for the convenience and in reality for the most part you dont have to sit next to anyone especially on the evening flights! So I did.

I get on. Its me and one more dude sharing 6 seats in a row. Excellent!
Right before we are about to take off  I see a stewardess coming up with a kid infront of her and all I was thinking was "please tell me its a little person you are about to throw off the plane for being inebriated or something...Sadly I was wrong! I mean you rarely wish for that but why couldnt it have been a drunk midget just this once? But that wasnt the case and of course she was pushing that fat kid towards the row I was sitting in. Why would this scenario play out in any other way?
While the staff is herding this lazy non- to barely- feet lifting kid towards my seat I can see she is chewing her god damn teeth off with a pink and huge bubble gum...Fuck! I know this. I recognize this. I all of a sudden got talents of reading the future and the next 55 min was painted infront of my eyes and three doors of possibilities emerged;

door nr.1; I say no and point to another row of seats not even looking up from my laptop.
door nr.2; I just get up and change to another seat myself with complete disregard for the given seat number mostly because it looks like even the staff is now disregarding that fact with this loud chewing Umpa Lumpa.
door nr.3; Be a good and polite citizen and also passenger and just "Oh IM sorry" and let her in to the window seat but of course the whole way just hating this fucking kid ( I mean I would prefer not even thinking about slapping a kid much less doing it so Im really starting to hate this situation) more and more for each time unit you prefer goes by until I land and smoke 3 cigarettes back to back all the while not even opening my eyes....

Im a Swede what the fuck do you think I did?

So my curious mind starts to wonder, what the fuck is wrong with this kid? I mean not really by any physical features but by this entire spectacle that just took place; its gotta be something wrong with it.
Yes It. I dont know the kid´s name and every other (nick)name I can think for it is rooted in evil.
Becuase I was thinking this cant be the regular procedure of flying a kid without adult supervision. I mean they still have a ticket with a seat number right? So why cant we seat them first? But in this case they werent so I was thinking this is a family member of probably the pilot but definitely someone from the staff is related to this Chucky with chewing jaws of a llama and also future incidents will confirm that theory. But they are not relevant to the story so I choose not to mention those details that makes me positive to believe she is flying for free...

Im sitting with my laptop and earphones are plugged in and Beatles is streaming out...
Even though I have the volume setting on max I hear her every fourth minute popping huge pink bubbles so Im just guessing they are loud. I hear them. So everyone must hear it even better and also should annoy them even harder. But again, we are mostly Swedes on this plane and god damn it how polite we are in public situations its almost rude actually...I mean we cant be this polite all the time...at least not willingly...So that concludes us being so unwillingly polite in public situations that it becomes rude. Swedes are rudely polite!
Nobody even makes the slightest cough of annoynce...This must be the same feeling people got when the only rule for the next king to be elected was the son of the passed king, no matter how old he was...So you end up with a province in China being runned by a fucking kid with a sceptor and crown but not even developed all his teeth yet...

I started to think happy thoughts like hey at least its not a screaming 3 year old...So that thought started to calm me down when all of a sudden the bubble gum- smacking was accompanied by shrugs of some kind or a tic if you will. JEEZES whats up with this kid? I take a glance in my perifial and now the kid has thrown her jacket over her head much like a tent and I start to slowly realize she cant help herself. Something is wrong and maybe all the other passengers has already come to this realization and therefor cant get angry with her. I on the other hand cannot get passed the smacking and bubble- blowing which always ends with a huge "POP" every other minute now right next to me!

Can I say something? What can I say without scarring this kid for the rest of its life?
"Im really sorry but you are very annoying. Your parents must have a tough time and I can totally understand why you are flying alone...Either they have sent you away to go live somewhere else or you are all flying somewhere but they couldnt even be on the same aircraft as you so they get a little mini vacation from YOU! Or you are the daughter of the pilot and you could easily be travelling with him in the cock pit but he is afraid that he will intentionally crash the plane after being airbourne for 13 minutes with her blowing bubbles and twitching behind him!
I know honey, you have recently gotten the hang of blowing bubbles with your gum but I can guarentee you that nobody is impressed and therefor you should stop parading this skill...its not like you are bouncing the gum on your nose before you catch it in your mouth still in the form of a bubble! You are just destroying the same thing over and over again. Thats not impressive.
Thats just what any domineering extremist is doing all around the world... well besides the "over and over again"... They seldom get the chance of destroying anything materialistic a second time. Its kind of a one time-gig-solution in that line of work! But it kind of applies here so I just pointed and shouted "TERRORIST" and knocked her out cold!
Thats the first time I have been on a plane where people breaks out in applause before we´ve even landed!

Yours Sincerely
"The bitterest man in the living room...and plane...."

Cat person-person or a simple dog?

And I woke up in the middle of the night at the horrible loud noises of not just one dog but three fucking dogs just shouting in the night for no appearent reason! Then I dozely realize that I´ve seen a woman recently moving in across the street and then I didnt really pay attention but now in hine sight I realize that she carried in not one but three fucking dog food bowls and they were crazy big now when I think about it. This was three days ago. Why have they played the waiting game on me? dont they know I can kill them very easily? And also that people tend to eat dogs? I have always been under the impression that dogs know that they are inferior to us. A dog is dying before a human in every situation or scenario, always. In e-v-e-r-y possible event, a dog will go before a human. Hey I like dogs! Im just stating the facts here. Last creature standing and breathing will not be the same creature that smell the other sex of the same specie in the ass just as a sign of hello! That just will never happen. Ever.

But as I said here on the fourth night I´m screaming "For Gods sake can your dogs be any louder? in front of her opened door and dumb looking face expression. -"Aah cmon they are just talking" with that ridiculous smile on her face! She answered. Yeah okay to you it might sound like talking because of the little detail of "love" you have towards them. I dont have that. But to the rest of the world its loud noises. Called "barking".
There is a reason why its called "Barking" and not "serenating", its fucking annoying and to top it all of its even loud barks 5 o´clock in the fucking morning! Big difference I gotta say.
And further more I have a huge hang over even larger than your three Lucifer-sent bitches actually so pretty please. Tell them to whisper the rest of their 45 minutes tea party before I go asian on them and have a fucking morning eating frenzy!

When people ask me if I´m a dog- or a cat- person I soley go by the person owning the animal.
So in those cases cat persons are infinate cooler....Okay Okay Lets take the lonely single middle aged women out of the equation first but besides them cat persons are infinate cooler than dog owners!
Although dogs themselves are much of the time a more intelligent creature than cats are; Dog owners however are sometimes pretty stupid and should not even have a dog in the first place...Im getting off topic!
"Oh he just wanna say hello!!" Or "He is just playing?" Oh really? cause it feels a lot like dog teeth burying into my left calf!! Fun PLAYING with you!!
I`m gonna take my viatnemese friend to the park one day with a barbeque grill. A woman screaming "what are you doing?!??" Oh no no sorry...my little friend here is just saying hello! repeatedly in a "chewing" manour. And nooo his name is not Chewing....

this whole thing is of course just a dumb whole joke....nothing of this has of course happened...
Im guessing not many even reads this...so never mind. All of this happened....translated for some reason...
Aaanyway...