Are you afraid of a spider? I am afraid of hanging myself...

someone told me long ago ( "there´s a calm before the storm, I knoow, Have you ever seen the rain? coming down a sunny day!?" A Creedence clearwater revival- line from the song "Have you ever seen the rain?" came to mind when I wrote the first line in this post) "You are only as old as you feel" ...thats a bunch of crap by the way... But age is a funny thing when you think about it...Almost everyone want to be young(er) than what they actually are but to the extent of that case is physically impossible we settle for feeling younger. Beauty-products and cosmetics have never been so popular and the business for it is climbing higher and reaching new sale- records for each day that goes by...



BUT I am looking forward being old (not as a breathing vegetable but a healthy old man is going to be fucking sweeeeet! I see myself in the future and a layer of harmony is painted over my face and I feel good! Not only do I look forward for my years to come, also I feel much older than I actually am! I have to remind myself that I am not even 2 years passed dos decenios... I started to think about it and my mind branched out for the reason why I feel so much older... Maybe its because almost my entire youth; older people have been surrounding me, much older siblings, a lot of friends are older than myself...

Can it be that I got a lot of responsible at an early age? Only me and my mother, after my brother got older and moved out so I was in some extent "the man of the house" and I think that has shaped me into the person I am today!
"Hey, lets check out this place, its awesome and great bartenders!" getting there... "Can I see some ID? My 30 some years old friend: "Oh crap, thats right you are only 21!"




This is not a crying message saying I didnt had a good childhood, cause I did, it was awesome!
Due to some reasons I matured mentally rather fast and my verbal skills improved quickly!
So my favorite things in school? Oral exams and presentation!


I remember my first oral exam like it was yesterday...didnt study at all until the evening before the presentation! I picked my subject and learned my material by heart and stood up infront of the class saying:
"I may not be a great thinker or a world leader, I dont read a lot...or or run very fast but damn it: I can TALK!" I didnt get a single laugh which was horrible but then I started my presentation:
"Today I am going to talk about spiders! Spiders: bla bla bla bla"...I may be a talker but my memory cant save me out of shit!

I will take this moment to say this isnt at all what I was going to write about, god DAMN IT!
my mind wanders completely outside of the abstract lines that is my chain of thought, that is not a good style to have....





We are supposed to be a rather intelligent specie, we humans but we have some rather weird fixations and irrational thoughts and ideas! the proof of that is all the fears and phobias we have for different things that cant harm us in any way, but instead of thinking rational thoughts like: "Uuuuh, this is strange behavior I am pulling right now, this is nonsense; that little thing cant hurt me!" buut noooo, instead we climb up on the invention we created for sitting on and yell: "A MOUSE KIIIILL IT!!" : Very irrational and unnecessary reactions I must say!


Our biggest fears today has been listed and its quite estonishing on how we have answered!
Number one fear: "Talking infront of a big crowd!" THAT is number one fear for humans? HIGHLY retarded! Fear is supposed to be controlled by life- threatening situations! For instance everybody should be very frightened if we are faced with a crocodile or a shark right beneath our feet while swimming! Even being afraid of swimming is more rational than being afraid of standing up infront of a couple of meat- popsicles just like yourself, cause then we are in a habitat we cant function fully to our potential in! Thats understandable: " Hey Fred, wanna go for a swim? -No I dont want to be in that big ocean cause I am a land- walking creature and I dont belong in that! -Cant you swim? -Yes, I can swim but that doesnt matter cause every fucking thing in there is doing it better than I do it AND they LIVE IN THERE you knucklehead!!



So whats second place then? Of course: Death! NUMBER TWO? that is fucking crazy retarded!
We are afraid of dying, why!?? Because we love being alive! We like our lives and we love breathing and we laugh our way through it...And we dont want to exchange that for lying 6 feet under dirt and soil....but of course, we obviously dont like breathing as much as we like shutting the hell up in pure lonely isolation according to our fears and phobias!



So according to our biggest fears "On a funeral; we are rather lying in the casket than doing the eulogy!!" / Jerry Seinfeld Homofuckingsapiens, god damn it...