And I woke up in the middle of the night at the horrible loud noises of not just one dog but three fucking dogs just shouting in the night for no appearent reason! Then I dozely realize that I´ve seen a woman recently moving in across the street and then I didnt really pay attention but now in hine sight I realize that she carried in not one but three fucking dog food bowls and they were crazy big now when I think about it. This was three days ago. Why have they played the waiting game on me? dont they know I can kill them very easily? And also that people tend to eat dogs? I have always been under the impression that dogs know that they are inferior to us. A dog is dying before a human in every situation or scenario, always. In e-v-e-r-y possible event, a dog will go before a human. Hey I like dogs! Im just stating the facts here. Last creature standing and breathing will not be the same creature that smell the other sex of the same specie in the ass just as a sign of hello! That just will never happen. Ever.
But as I said here on the fourth night I´m screaming "For Gods sake can your dogs be any louder? in front of her opened door and dumb looking face expression. -"Aah cmon they are just talking" with that ridiculous smile on her face! She answered. Yeah okay to you it might sound like talking because of the little detail of "love" you have towards them. I dont have that. But to the rest of the world its loud noises. Called "barking".
There is a reason why its called "Barking" and not "serenating", its fucking annoying and to top it all of its even loud barks 5 o´clock in the fucking morning! Big difference I gotta say.
And further more I have a huge hang over even larger than your three Lucifer-sent bitches actually so pretty please. Tell them to whisper the rest of their 45 minutes tea party before I go asian on them and have a fucking morning eating frenzy!
When people ask me if I´m a dog- or a cat- person I soley go by the person owning the animal.
So in those cases cat persons are infinate cooler....Okay Okay Lets take the lonely single middle aged women out of the equation first but besides them cat persons are infinate cooler than dog owners!
Although dogs themselves are much of the time a more intelligent creature than cats are; Dog owners however are sometimes pretty stupid and should not even have a dog in the first place...Im getting off topic!
"Oh he just wanna say hello!!" Or "He is just playing?" Oh really? cause it feels a lot like dog teeth burying into my left calf!! Fun PLAYING with you!!
I`m gonna take my viatnemese friend to the park one day with a barbeque grill. A woman screaming "what are you doing?!??" Oh no no sorry...my little friend here is just saying hello! repeatedly in a "chewing" manour. And nooo his name is not Chewing....
this whole thing is of course just a dumb whole joke....nothing of this has of course happened...
Im guessing not many even reads this...so never mind. All of this happened....translated for some reason...
Aaanyway...
måndag 10 september 2012
tisdag 25 januari 2011
No Sir you have too watch while we are crashing and turn OFF your electrical device...2011??
I was on a flight recently and still the drills while on the plane amazes me everytime. First of all; the electric devices has to be shutted off during take off and landing. Really? What can possibly happen that includes a Boeing, a crash in the Atlantic and my iphone? I cant see that scenario at all. I never shut mine off during take off nor landing. Why? Simply if we are about to go down I can go: "wow what do you know, my listening to metallica DID actually kill 60 or so people; my grandparents was right all along; Rock is the work of the devil who knew!? "I shouldnt have doubted you guys I should have turned it off during landing, my bad, guess I got a lethal apple, much like in the bible.... But then again in that scenario it was except for the lethal apple also two nudists and a snake not me stinking like a tequila- factory, a senior citizen for a stewardess, a giant airplane and an iphone...so a couple off different details but still..
But the most bisarre situation I was in during a take off on a flight to Malmö. It was sunny and cloudfree in the middle of the day and I had a bitching hang over. I had the window- seat and I decided to take down the window-blind so I wouldnt burn my eyes out of their sockets; who wouldnt right? Seems like a perfect rational idea but appearently NOOO no no no... A bitter stewardess who seen here share of sky and I actually think when she steps of this plane she will step of completely. She basically rushed forward over the poor elderly couple that was in seat D and E to say, already irritated probably over the fact she was already in her late thirtys when the airplane was first invented. -"Would you please be cooperative and take up your blind while taking off; SIR!? I didnt want an argument right there while my head was imploding, I was more busy asking myself why they invented the 1 litre bottles of vodka... So I pulled it up but WHAT!?? What the fuck does my blind being down or up has anything to do with the pilot trying to straight out the giant tin bird a couple of thousand metres over the ground. I mean he is not sitting next to me steering this giant Boeing leaning his head on my shoulder going: "hey hey hey pull that up; I cant see where we going!"
So in case of an accident with the plane; I really cant see why I have to watch the plane plumbing down to certain death. I mean if I have a couple of minutes left to live isnt it my option what I wanna SEE infront of me? Maybe I do not wish to watch the Atlantic coming faster and faster closer and closer before it swallows the plane completely? I think knowing is enough. Isnt it bad enough I am certainly going to die I have to be no blind- front seat of the whole goddamn spectacle which is a scenario that becomes reality cause someone else fucked up! I mean the food is crap but I can live with that if you just dont crash the mother F-in airplane, thank you very much!
And really arnt we passed the whole applause scene everytime we successfully complete a landing? Who are we clapping for, really? The pilots? I mean this is their job, the pilots, they are suppossed to master this procedure quite well. But If instead a 75 year old man on a peanut allergy- reaction lands the plane with no harm nor foul then I would clap the hell out for him but if there is a pilot with at least 50 landings in his life cant do his job without an old cheering I would get to stand next him during next flight and slap him repeatedly and giving him wet willys... If he lands then break out the ol' babypowder cause this man deserves an applause...
It cant be a clapping for ourselves surviving yet another landing. I dont know about you But I have never seen survivors clapping. A woman right after a rape and attemptive murder goes:" WHOO ALRIGHT *CLAP CLAP CLAP* I MADE it, yeaaah! So it must be for the pilots... This is the half of what they do; landing. The other half; TAKE OFF! if they cant do this proper they shouldnt be pilots, during this material I was simultanously trying to come up with a line of work that is worthy an applause after they were done and except for show business I think a bartender. Why? Simply cause that is what I do and I fucking want my applauses, god damn pilots taking all the cheering while working... Douches...
But the most bisarre situation I was in during a take off on a flight to Malmö. It was sunny and cloudfree in the middle of the day and I had a bitching hang over. I had the window- seat and I decided to take down the window-blind so I wouldnt burn my eyes out of their sockets; who wouldnt right? Seems like a perfect rational idea but appearently NOOO no no no... A bitter stewardess who seen here share of sky and I actually think when she steps of this plane she will step of completely. She basically rushed forward over the poor elderly couple that was in seat D and E to say, already irritated probably over the fact she was already in her late thirtys when the airplane was first invented. -"Would you please be cooperative and take up your blind while taking off; SIR!? I didnt want an argument right there while my head was imploding, I was more busy asking myself why they invented the 1 litre bottles of vodka... So I pulled it up but WHAT!?? What the fuck does my blind being down or up has anything to do with the pilot trying to straight out the giant tin bird a couple of thousand metres over the ground. I mean he is not sitting next to me steering this giant Boeing leaning his head on my shoulder going: "hey hey hey pull that up; I cant see where we going!"
So in case of an accident with the plane; I really cant see why I have to watch the plane plumbing down to certain death. I mean if I have a couple of minutes left to live isnt it my option what I wanna SEE infront of me? Maybe I do not wish to watch the Atlantic coming faster and faster closer and closer before it swallows the plane completely? I think knowing is enough. Isnt it bad enough I am certainly going to die I have to be no blind- front seat of the whole goddamn spectacle which is a scenario that becomes reality cause someone else fucked up! I mean the food is crap but I can live with that if you just dont crash the mother F-in airplane, thank you very much!
And really arnt we passed the whole applause scene everytime we successfully complete a landing? Who are we clapping for, really? The pilots? I mean this is their job, the pilots, they are suppossed to master this procedure quite well. But If instead a 75 year old man on a peanut allergy- reaction lands the plane with no harm nor foul then I would clap the hell out for him but if there is a pilot with at least 50 landings in his life cant do his job without an old cheering I would get to stand next him during next flight and slap him repeatedly and giving him wet willys... If he lands then break out the ol' babypowder cause this man deserves an applause...
It cant be a clapping for ourselves surviving yet another landing. I dont know about you But I have never seen survivors clapping. A woman right after a rape and attemptive murder goes:" WHOO ALRIGHT *CLAP CLAP CLAP* I MADE it, yeaaah! So it must be for the pilots... This is the half of what they do; landing. The other half; TAKE OFF! if they cant do this proper they shouldnt be pilots, during this material I was simultanously trying to come up with a line of work that is worthy an applause after they were done and except for show business I think a bartender. Why? Simply cause that is what I do and I fucking want my applauses, god damn pilots taking all the cheering while working... Douches...
söndag 18 juli 2010
vart tog du vägen?
Saknaden av dig är så oerhört smärtande stor
samtidigt känner jag en stark närvaro av dig min fina bror
Du hade gillat att veva o sjunga i mörkret av gårdagen, såg dig slå med i trumslagen
frågan ska inte ställas varför du inte var där
utan i huvudet nu hur du alltid är uppe här
mer lr mindre slåendes på knapparna av smärta
dem är både röda o gröna som svart o vitt är Alpha o Omega,
"Dom hade mycket att säga" sa Andreas Grega
han kunde inte ha mer rätt o gränsen mellan ledsamhet o ilska
har visats sig vara hårfin
men det som får vågskålen att tippa o stjälpa över
är min ovillkorliga kärlek för dig o vår familj,
din eviga o envisa jakt efter ett eller två fyrklöver;
är även den så abrubt slut och över
men det som aldrig kommer ha ett sista kapitel
är det episka innanför loben o hjärtat hos Gunnar o din yngsta bror,
din söta son, din starka far o din vackra mor
Vila i frid Rickard Berg 24/12 1976- 29/6 2010
samtidigt känner jag en stark närvaro av dig min fina bror
Du hade gillat att veva o sjunga i mörkret av gårdagen, såg dig slå med i trumslagen
frågan ska inte ställas varför du inte var där
utan i huvudet nu hur du alltid är uppe här
mer lr mindre slåendes på knapparna av smärta
dem är både röda o gröna som svart o vitt är Alpha o Omega,
"Dom hade mycket att säga" sa Andreas Grega
han kunde inte ha mer rätt o gränsen mellan ledsamhet o ilska
har visats sig vara hårfin
men det som får vågskålen att tippa o stjälpa över
är min ovillkorliga kärlek för dig o vår familj,
din eviga o envisa jakt efter ett eller två fyrklöver;
är även den så abrubt slut och över
men det som aldrig kommer ha ett sista kapitel
är det episka innanför loben o hjärtat hos Gunnar o din yngsta bror,
din söta son, din starka far o din vackra mor
Vila i frid Rickard Berg 24/12 1976- 29/6 2010
lördag 29 maj 2010
Are you afraid of a spider? I am afraid of hanging myself...
someone told me long ago (
"there´s a calm before the storm, I knoow, Have you ever seen the rain? coming down a sunny day!?" A Creedence clearwater revival- line from the song "Have you ever seen the rain?" came to mind when I wrote the first line in this post) "You are only as old as you feel" ...thats a bunch of crap by the way... But age is a funny thing when you think about it...Almost everyone want to be young(er) than what they actually are but to the extent of that case is physically impossible we settle for feeling younger. Beauty-products and cosmetics have never been so popular and the business for it is climbing higher and reaching new sale- records for each day that goes by...
BUT I am looking forward being old (not as a breathing vegetable but a healthy old man is going to be fucking sweeeeet! I see myself in the future and a layer of harmony is painted over my face and I feel good! Not only do I look forward for my years to come, also I feel much older than I actually am! I have to remind myself that I am not even 2 years passed dos decenios... I started to think about it and my mind branched out for the reason why I feel so much older... Maybe its because almost my entire youth; older people have been surrounding me, much older siblings, a lot of friends are older than myself...
Can it be that I got a lot of responsible at an early age? Only me and my mother, after my brother got older and moved out so I was in some extent "the man of the house" and I think that has shaped me into the person I am today!
"Hey, lets check out this place, its awesome and great bartenders!" getting there... "Can I see some ID? My 30 some years old friend: "Oh crap, thats right you are only 21!"
This is not a crying message saying I didnt had a good childhood, cause I did, it was awesome!
Due to some reasons I matured mentally rather fast and my verbal skills improved quickly!
So my favorite things in school? Oral exams and presentation!
I remember my first oral exam like it was yesterday...didnt study at all until the evening before the presentation! I picked my subject and learned my material by heart and stood up infront of the class saying:
"I may not be a great thinker or a world leader, I dont read a lot...or or run very fast but damn it: I can TALK!" I didnt get a single laugh which was horrible but then I started my presentation:
"Today I am going to talk about spiders! Spiders: bla bla bla bla"...I may be a talker but my memory cant save me out of shit!
I will take this moment to say this isnt at all what I was going to write about, god DAMN IT!
my mind wanders completely outside of the abstract lines that is my chain of thought, that is not a good style to have....
We are supposed to be a rather intelligent specie, we humans but we have some rather weird fixations and irrational thoughts and ideas! the proof of that is all the fears and phobias we have for different things that cant harm us in any way, but instead of thinking rational thoughts like: "Uuuuh, this is strange behavior I am pulling right now, this is nonsense; that little thing cant hurt me!" buut noooo, instead we climb up on the invention we created for sitting on and yell: "A MOUSE KIIIILL IT!!" : Very irrational and unnecessary reactions I must say!
Our biggest fears today has been listed and its quite estonishing on how we have answered!
Number one fear: "Talking infront of a big crowd!" THAT is number one fear for humans? HIGHLY retarded! Fear is supposed to be controlled by life- threatening situations! For instance everybody should be very frightened if we are faced with a crocodile or a shark right beneath our feet while swimming! Even being afraid of swimming is more rational than being afraid of standing up infront of a couple of meat- popsicles just like yourself, cause then we are in a habitat we cant function fully to our potential in! Thats understandable: " Hey Fred, wanna go for a swim? -No I dont want to be in that big ocean cause I am a land- walking creature and I dont belong in that! -Cant you swim? -Yes, I can swim but that doesnt matter cause every fucking thing in there is doing it better than I do it AND they LIVE IN THERE you knucklehead!!
So whats second place then? Of course: Death! NUMBER TWO? that is fucking crazy retarded!
We are afraid of dying, why!?? Because we love being alive! We like our lives and we love breathing and we laugh our way through it...And we dont want to exchange that for lying 6 feet under dirt and soil....but of course, we obviously dont like breathing as much as we like shutting the hell up in pure lonely isolation according to our fears and phobias!
So according to our biggest fears "On a funeral; we are rather lying in the casket than doing the eulogy!!" / Jerry Seinfeld Homofuckingsapiens, god damn it...
"there´s a calm before the storm, I knoow, Have you ever seen the rain? coming down a sunny day!?" A Creedence clearwater revival- line from the song "Have you ever seen the rain?" came to mind when I wrote the first line in this post) "You are only as old as you feel" ...thats a bunch of crap by the way... But age is a funny thing when you think about it...Almost everyone want to be young(er) than what they actually are but to the extent of that case is physically impossible we settle for feeling younger. Beauty-products and cosmetics have never been so popular and the business for it is climbing higher and reaching new sale- records for each day that goes by...BUT I am looking forward being old (not as a breathing vegetable but a healthy old man is going to be fucking sweeeeet! I see myself in the future and a layer of harmony is painted over my face and I feel good! Not only do I look forward for my years to come, also I feel much older than I actually am! I have to remind myself that I am not even 2 years passed dos decenios... I started to think about it and my mind branched out for the reason why I feel so much older... Maybe its because almost my entire youth; older people have been surrounding me, much older siblings, a lot of friends are older than myself...
Can it be that I got a lot of responsible at an early age? Only me and my mother, after my brother got older and moved out so I was in some extent "the man of the house" and I think that has shaped me into the person I am today!
"Hey, lets check out this place, its awesome and great bartenders!" getting there... "Can I see some ID? My 30 some years old friend: "Oh crap, thats right you are only 21!"
This is not a crying message saying I didnt had a good childhood, cause I did, it was awesome!
Due to some reasons I matured mentally rather fast and my verbal skills improved quickly!
So my favorite things in school? Oral exams and presentation!
I remember my first oral exam like it was yesterday...didnt study at all until the evening before the presentation! I picked my subject and learned my material by heart and stood up infront of the class saying:
"I may not be a great thinker or a world leader, I dont read a lot...or or run very fast but damn it: I can TALK!" I didnt get a single laugh which was horrible but then I started my presentation:
"Today I am going to talk about spiders! Spiders: bla bla bla bla"...I may be a talker but my memory cant save me out of shit!
I will take this moment to say this isnt at all what I was going to write about, god DAMN IT!
my mind wanders completely outside of the abstract lines that is my chain of thought, that is not a good style to have....
We are supposed to be a rather intelligent specie, we humans but we have some rather weird fixations and irrational thoughts and ideas! the proof of that is all the fears and phobias we have for different things that cant harm us in any way, but instead of thinking rational thoughts like: "Uuuuh, this is strange behavior I am pulling right now, this is nonsense; that little thing cant hurt me!" buut noooo, instead we climb up on the invention we created for sitting on and yell: "A MOUSE KIIIILL IT!!" : Very irrational and unnecessary reactions I must say!
Our biggest fears today has been listed and its quite estonishing on how we have answered!
Number one fear: "Talking infront of a big crowd!" THAT is number one fear for humans? HIGHLY retarded! Fear is supposed to be controlled by life- threatening situations! For instance everybody should be very frightened if we are faced with a crocodile or a shark right beneath our feet while swimming! Even being afraid of swimming is more rational than being afraid of standing up infront of a couple of meat- popsicles just like yourself, cause then we are in a habitat we cant function fully to our potential in! Thats understandable: " Hey Fred, wanna go for a swim? -No I dont want to be in that big ocean cause I am a land- walking creature and I dont belong in that! -Cant you swim? -Yes, I can swim but that doesnt matter cause every fucking thing in there is doing it better than I do it AND they LIVE IN THERE you knucklehead!!
So whats second place then? Of course: Death! NUMBER TWO? that is fucking crazy retarded!
We are afraid of dying, why!?? Because we love being alive! We like our lives and we love breathing and we laugh our way through it...And we dont want to exchange that for lying 6 feet under dirt and soil....but of course, we obviously dont like breathing as much as we like shutting the hell up in pure lonely isolation according to our fears and phobias!
So according to our biggest fears "On a funeral; we are rather lying in the casket than doing the eulogy!!" / Jerry Seinfeld Homofuckingsapiens, god damn it...
fredag 21 maj 2010
The second Self, that guy is a douché!
I have heard uniqueness is rather important. Thats funny, cause really, how unique are we? not very would be my response. Yes of course we do have (for the most time) our right to speak up and even have our own opinion!.....Well.....to some extent...
Then there are of course the anatomical rational reasons for the debate on how unique we are. We have DNA which controls our physical features but that is pretty much it!
We are not very unique and special as we would like to believe and I dont quite get where that statement is from, probably more suitable question would be: "I dont quite get from When that statement is from..." cause its probably an old saying we havent burried yet with all the other nonsense we tell each other everyday!
BEING and TALKING about the importance of being "your own person and your decisions are not anyone´s business..." is a whole different story! We are very good when it comes to talking about whats important for each and every homo sapiens on this water- covered planet, but doing it? "Well, no no no off course not, hrrrrmmmm dont we have any ginnypigs or something? Jim, can you check the dumpsters down at the shelter for one of those homeless that are living there? see if we can try it on them first!" - "Try what Bob?"- "Uuh Change Jim, just Change."
Cause how good a change could be for us, its still a "change" and we do not like change dont we?
We hate it! "wait, what? are they moving? why!? this is such a friendly neighbourhood, why would they just leave? has something happened? did their daughter got raped and brutally murdered? Is that why they left? Honey!!!,,, the...uuh the...hmm the Whats their face- family are moving!!" - "You mean the Nelssons? yeah they have lived there longer than we lived here Dan, and you didnt know their name, what do you care?" - "I DONT LIKE CHANGE!!!"
Love exaggerating things but whatever...
In fact we are not even close to being unique! Everyone of us, has at least two personalities, and I can prove it! You have your nr.1 "inside personality". this is the person you are for the most part, the one debating if you will make coffee or take a shower first in the morning, deciding what clothes you will wear for the day, this is just "You". The one (and only) personality you think you have. It contains your likes and dislikes and this person is the one who defines who you are!
But as soon as you take one step outside of your door, BOOM, this person, DEPENDING who you will meet, has VANISHED! if you only meet people that has known you forever and long before you defined your future self, close friends or family you are still you.... BUT,, meeting anyone else you are all of a sudden a complete different,,,, Moron! I mean dont you just love all the routine pointless shit-chating that goes on in every convenient- store, clothing store and just cashiers in general! These conversations are very addable to situations with people you "kind of" are familiar with too...You kind of know this guy sitting next to you on the bus, so thats why you will participate in the most awkward dialogue the world has ever seen since Shakespeare tried to do a porno! And during this "conversation" you are trying to figure out this guy´s name (not last name, his FULL NAME) and /or you are imagining that this is the final scene of the movie "Speed" and you are waiting to jump off!
But these god damn routine- chats...I cant take it anymore..its sooooo pointless. You dont know the person in front of you, you dont Want to know this person, the only reason you know this person´s name is cause she is wearing a fucking nametag and thats it! Thats the bottom of personal relationship! This person has one job to do, for now she is working for you,, to get my god damn Red Lucky Strike, taking my cash and open the register and then its GoodfuckingBye!
Sometimes I like to mess with people who is working as cashiers and test how much routines this person has in its job- descriptions!
I will represent the H and the cashier will represent the C. for obvious reasons...
C: Hello, what can I get you?
H: Uh hey, yeah can I get a pack of lucky strike?
C: red?
H: yes. (of course red, who the fuck wants blue ones these days? You are smoking so you can die faster, why do I then want a lighter version? stupid.)
C: will you pay with Cash or creditcard?
H: (guess what the fuck I am holding in my hand!?!?) uuh card.
C: That will be 45 SEK, type in your code.
H: (oooh you need the code, this is actually my fifteen THOUSAND time Im doing this) yes of course.
C: On the amount?
H: Uuh no actually can you take it on 40 SEK?
C: yes of course.....wait a minute....
H: Yes, I just made a joke. (and my mouth just uttered a phrase you´ve never heard before in your LIFE, its hard to communicate. Pull up your pants!
Then there are of course the anatomical rational reasons for the debate on how unique we are. We have DNA which controls our physical features but that is pretty much it!
We are not very unique and special as we would like to believe and I dont quite get where that statement is from, probably more suitable question would be: "I dont quite get from When that statement is from..." cause its probably an old saying we havent burried yet with all the other nonsense we tell each other everyday!
BEING and TALKING about the importance of being "your own person and your decisions are not anyone´s business..." is a whole different story! We are very good when it comes to talking about whats important for each and every homo sapiens on this water- covered planet, but doing it? "Well, no no no off course not, hrrrrmmmm dont we have any ginnypigs or something? Jim, can you check the dumpsters down at the shelter for one of those homeless that are living there? see if we can try it on them first!" - "Try what Bob?"- "Uuh Change Jim, just Change."
Cause how good a change could be for us, its still a "change" and we do not like change dont we?
We hate it! "wait, what? are they moving? why!? this is such a friendly neighbourhood, why would they just leave? has something happened? did their daughter got raped and brutally murdered? Is that why they left? Honey!!!,,, the...uuh the...hmm the Whats their face- family are moving!!" - "You mean the Nelssons? yeah they have lived there longer than we lived here Dan, and you didnt know their name, what do you care?" - "I DONT LIKE CHANGE!!!"
Love exaggerating things but whatever...
In fact we are not even close to being unique! Everyone of us, has at least two personalities, and I can prove it! You have your nr.1 "inside personality". this is the person you are for the most part, the one debating if you will make coffee or take a shower first in the morning, deciding what clothes you will wear for the day, this is just "You". The one (and only) personality you think you have. It contains your likes and dislikes and this person is the one who defines who you are!
But as soon as you take one step outside of your door, BOOM, this person, DEPENDING who you will meet, has VANISHED! if you only meet people that has known you forever and long before you defined your future self, close friends or family you are still you.... BUT,, meeting anyone else you are all of a sudden a complete different,,,, Moron! I mean dont you just love all the routine pointless shit-chating that goes on in every convenient- store, clothing store and just cashiers in general! These conversations are very addable to situations with people you "kind of" are familiar with too...You kind of know this guy sitting next to you on the bus, so thats why you will participate in the most awkward dialogue the world has ever seen since Shakespeare tried to do a porno! And during this "conversation" you are trying to figure out this guy´s name (not last name, his FULL NAME) and /or you are imagining that this is the final scene of the movie "Speed" and you are waiting to jump off!
But these god damn routine- chats...I cant take it anymore..its sooooo pointless. You dont know the person in front of you, you dont Want to know this person, the only reason you know this person´s name is cause she is wearing a fucking nametag and thats it! Thats the bottom of personal relationship! This person has one job to do, for now she is working for you,, to get my god damn Red Lucky Strike, taking my cash and open the register and then its GoodfuckingBye!
Sometimes I like to mess with people who is working as cashiers and test how much routines this person has in its job- descriptions!
I will represent the H and the cashier will represent the C. for obvious reasons...
C: Hello, what can I get you?
H: Uh hey, yeah can I get a pack of lucky strike?
C: red?
H: yes. (of course red, who the fuck wants blue ones these days? You are smoking so you can die faster, why do I then want a lighter version? stupid.)
C: will you pay with Cash or creditcard?
H: (guess what the fuck I am holding in my hand!?!?) uuh card.
C: That will be 45 SEK, type in your code.
H: (oooh you need the code, this is actually my fifteen THOUSAND time Im doing this) yes of course.
C: On the amount?
H: Uuh no actually can you take it on 40 SEK?
C: yes of course.....wait a minute....
H: Yes, I just made a joke. (and my mouth just uttered a phrase you´ve never heard before in your LIFE, its hard to communicate. Pull up your pants!
onsdag 11 mars 2009
Fast Forwarding a pregnancy to a little child, right on the bus!
I was on the bus today and at first this was just any other ordinary bus- travel with my ipod and a few other people on the bus.. Then the bus turns right to the stop near a school...aaaa Cmoon, Fuck me sideways! The bus-stop is packed with small kids, big kids, kids who think they are adults and every single kind of kid you can think of! No one stepped off the bus, and eveeery one at the stop was going on the same bus I so convenient was on!
Every seat gets slowly occupied but there are still like 10 or so who has to stand up in the aisle.. I´m of course sitting where there are four seats, not the usually two seats.. Lucky me, I have my ipod so I dont have to listen to these 2 chicks sitting next to me babbling about whatever they are talking about after a hard day in school....Anyway, there are getting on more and more people on the bus for every stop that goes and maybe 2 stops after the school a family, with 3 kids jumps on the bus and they have to stand beside where I´m sitting.. In the seat right across mine is a third chick who is rather cute.. Then when she sees that this mother is struggling with 2 little kids while standing up, the cute girl offers her knee to the mother for one of her kids so she can hold up one of them, and the mother is sighing happily and let her kid sit on the girl´s lap! And I thought, aaah that is nice, helping a mother like that in a situation which must be rather trying; a fullpacked bus with a loot of people with 2 small children!
then I start to think about the situation... I cant understand how she wants to put herself in that situation? Another person´s kid? Maybe the kid pukes from the bumby ride right on her jacket, maybe the little one starts screaming like a ghost ( I have noticed that on the bus, small kids appearantly likes to scream as loud they can for some reason I really cant see...) what are she going to do about that? She is a perfect stranger and after what I have learned, even mothers have a hard time to keep their children quiet, how is a young woman going to handle the situation? I mean a lot of young women sometimes wishes that they could be a mother for a day and take care of a kid, but those feelings are usually hitting the surface in a nice situation when a child is laughing and playing with its mother or something, not on a freaking bus when the mother is hitting her stress- peak trying to wipe of the sweat from her forehead at the same time holding a kid on each hip...
Y´know, there are no busmother- babywelfare- money and I told her "Dont forget to give him back when you are stepping of the bus!" she laughed a little bit and answered "no I will try and remember that"... Must have felt awesome for her, for 12 minutes she was a caring mother on a bus holding her little kid, and when stepping of the bus, Boom! she is childfree and a young woman again who can go back to think and daydream about how funny the guy across her on the bus was and how cute he also was! //
Every seat gets slowly occupied but there are still like 10 or so who has to stand up in the aisle.. I´m of course sitting where there are four seats, not the usually two seats.. Lucky me, I have my ipod so I dont have to listen to these 2 chicks sitting next to me babbling about whatever they are talking about after a hard day in school....Anyway, there are getting on more and more people on the bus for every stop that goes and maybe 2 stops after the school a family, with 3 kids jumps on the bus and they have to stand beside where I´m sitting.. In the seat right across mine is a third chick who is rather cute.. Then when she sees that this mother is struggling with 2 little kids while standing up, the cute girl offers her knee to the mother for one of her kids so she can hold up one of them, and the mother is sighing happily and let her kid sit on the girl´s lap! And I thought, aaah that is nice, helping a mother like that in a situation which must be rather trying; a fullpacked bus with a loot of people with 2 small children!
then I start to think about the situation... I cant understand how she wants to put herself in that situation? Another person´s kid? Maybe the kid pukes from the bumby ride right on her jacket, maybe the little one starts screaming like a ghost ( I have noticed that on the bus, small kids appearantly likes to scream as loud they can for some reason I really cant see...) what are she going to do about that? She is a perfect stranger and after what I have learned, even mothers have a hard time to keep their children quiet, how is a young woman going to handle the situation? I mean a lot of young women sometimes wishes that they could be a mother for a day and take care of a kid, but those feelings are usually hitting the surface in a nice situation when a child is laughing and playing with its mother or something, not on a freaking bus when the mother is hitting her stress- peak trying to wipe of the sweat from her forehead at the same time holding a kid on each hip...
Y´know, there are no busmother- babywelfare- money and I told her "Dont forget to give him back when you are stepping of the bus!" she laughed a little bit and answered "no I will try and remember that"... Must have felt awesome for her, for 12 minutes she was a caring mother on a bus holding her little kid, and when stepping of the bus, Boom! she is childfree and a young woman again who can go back to think and daydream about how funny the guy across her on the bus was and how cute he also was! //
Yes To Cancer and AIDS, No to Worldpeace!
When it rains it pours I guess..the last post inspired me to write this...
I had a hilarious encounter with a woman a couple of weeks ago.. It was out on a pub and I was standing outside with a cigarette in my mouth! Out comes this rather nice looking girl who I´ve already had seen inside..she kept smiling at me so I figure, hey why not talk to her, she seems nice!
So I did, I walked up to her, offered her a cigarette and she took it and I introduced myself!
I am not kidding here, this is what she said to me; " My name is amanda and I am a feminist!"
!!?? My mind started to shout in my head; "WHAAT THE HELL WAS THAT!??
where is the candid camera? Did I all of sudden participated in some sort of anonymous feminists?
was I supposed to answer to this with "Hiiiii Amanda!" ?? I couldnt believe she actually said this to me.. First I thought I should just walk away but then I actually got irritated cause can people around the world stop "standing up" for the most obvious opinions!? Its insane; "I am a feminist, join groups like "against animal torture", "for world peace"... I mean c´moooon!
I am tired of people saying the most obvious things like its their own "opinion" and how they have really thought it through! So Amanda, the feminist, I didnt know if I should have laughed or cried, So I just "yeah I am also a feminist, and I am aslo straight so do you wanna come back to my place for a little rumble between the sheets??" She slapped the hell out of me..
But feminism? standing up for the women´s rights in our society, right? Women shall have the same rights and are supposed to be equal to men? Yeah, I mean cmon who doesnt feel like that?
Isnt that the most obvious opinion you´ve heard? Feminist? Yeah who isnt? Its the same thing with all these obvious factual matters; I have the same opinions ( and I am pretty sure the rest of the world agrees, except a couple who actually is grabbing a cat and puts it in his hash-pipe) but the only difference is that I dont have to join a fuckin group to tell the world I dont like little puppies getting tortured and putted in freezers in some person´s basement, if the world is doubting on my opinion on that subject, well FUCK the world then! Lets get some perspective here, its 2009, if someone tells me aaany obvious statement in the same sentence they are telling me their name while introducing themself, I get to slap them 9 times in the face! And if it is a woman telling me she is a feminist, she only gets 6 slaps cause lets face it, we all know this already, women are weak and doesnt posses the same resistance as men!! Aaand yes I am for female abuse and also,,, I like cancer...
I had a hilarious encounter with a woman a couple of weeks ago.. It was out on a pub and I was standing outside with a cigarette in my mouth! Out comes this rather nice looking girl who I´ve already had seen inside..she kept smiling at me so I figure, hey why not talk to her, she seems nice!
So I did, I walked up to her, offered her a cigarette and she took it and I introduced myself!
I am not kidding here, this is what she said to me; " My name is amanda and I am a feminist!"
!!?? My mind started to shout in my head; "WHAAT THE HELL WAS THAT!??
where is the candid camera? Did I all of sudden participated in some sort of anonymous feminists?
was I supposed to answer to this with "Hiiiii Amanda!" ?? I couldnt believe she actually said this to me.. First I thought I should just walk away but then I actually got irritated cause can people around the world stop "standing up" for the most obvious opinions!? Its insane; "I am a feminist, join groups like "against animal torture", "for world peace"... I mean c´moooon!
I am tired of people saying the most obvious things like its their own "opinion" and how they have really thought it through! So Amanda, the feminist, I didnt know if I should have laughed or cried, So I just "yeah I am also a feminist, and I am aslo straight so do you wanna come back to my place for a little rumble between the sheets??" She slapped the hell out of me..
But feminism? standing up for the women´s rights in our society, right? Women shall have the same rights and are supposed to be equal to men? Yeah, I mean cmon who doesnt feel like that?
Isnt that the most obvious opinion you´ve heard? Feminist? Yeah who isnt? Its the same thing with all these obvious factual matters; I have the same opinions ( and I am pretty sure the rest of the world agrees, except a couple who actually is grabbing a cat and puts it in his hash-pipe) but the only difference is that I dont have to join a fuckin group to tell the world I dont like little puppies getting tortured and putted in freezers in some person´s basement, if the world is doubting on my opinion on that subject, well FUCK the world then! Lets get some perspective here, its 2009, if someone tells me aaany obvious statement in the same sentence they are telling me their name while introducing themself, I get to slap them 9 times in the face! And if it is a woman telling me she is a feminist, she only gets 6 slaps cause lets face it, we all know this already, women are weak and doesnt posses the same resistance as men!! Aaand yes I am for female abuse and also,,, I like cancer...
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