vart tog du vägen?

Saknaden av dig är så oerhört smärtande stor
samtidigt känner jag en stark närvaro av dig min fina bror
Du hade gillat att veva o sjunga i mörkret av gårdagen, såg dig slå med i trumslagen
frågan ska inte ställas varför du inte var där
utan i huvudet nu hur du alltid är uppe här
mer lr mindre slåendes på knapparna av smärta
dem är både röda o gröna som svart o vitt är Alpha o Omega,
"Dom hade mycket att säga" sa Andreas Grega
han kunde inte ha mer rätt o gränsen mellan ledsamhet o ilska
har visats sig vara hårfin
men det som får vågskålen att tippa o stjälpa över
är min ovillkorliga kärlek för dig o vår familj,
din eviga o envisa jakt efter ett eller två fyrklöver;
är även den så abrubt slut och över
men det som aldrig kommer ha ett sista kapitel
är det episka innanför loben o hjärtat hos Gunnar o din yngsta bror,
din söta son, din starka far o din vackra mor

Vila i frid Rickard Berg 24/12 1976- 29/6 2010

Are you afraid of a spider? I am afraid of hanging myself...

someone told me long ago ( "there´s a calm before the storm, I knoow, Have you ever seen the rain? coming down a sunny day!?" A Creedence clearwater revival- line from the song "Have you ever seen the rain?" came to mind when I wrote the first line in this post) "You are only as old as you feel" ...thats a bunch of crap by the way... But age is a funny thing when you think about it...Almost everyone want to be young(er) than what they actually are but to the extent of that case is physically impossible we settle for feeling younger. Beauty-products and cosmetics have never been so popular and the business for it is climbing higher and reaching new sale- records for each day that goes by...



BUT I am looking forward being old (not as a breathing vegetable but a healthy old man is going to be fucking sweeeeet! I see myself in the future and a layer of harmony is painted over my face and I feel good! Not only do I look forward for my years to come, also I feel much older than I actually am! I have to remind myself that I am not even 2 years passed dos decenios... I started to think about it and my mind branched out for the reason why I feel so much older... Maybe its because almost my entire youth; older people have been surrounding me, much older siblings, a lot of friends are older than myself...

Can it be that I got a lot of responsible at an early age? Only me and my mother, after my brother got older and moved out so I was in some extent "the man of the house" and I think that has shaped me into the person I am today!
"Hey, lets check out this place, its awesome and great bartenders!" getting there... "Can I see some ID? My 30 some years old friend: "Oh crap, thats right you are only 21!"




This is not a crying message saying I didnt had a good childhood, cause I did, it was awesome!
Due to some reasons I matured mentally rather fast and my verbal skills improved quickly!
So my favorite things in school? Oral exams and presentation!


I remember my first oral exam like it was yesterday...didnt study at all until the evening before the presentation! I picked my subject and learned my material by heart and stood up infront of the class saying:
"I may not be a great thinker or a world leader, I dont read a lot...or or run very fast but damn it: I can TALK!" I didnt get a single laugh which was horrible but then I started my presentation:
"Today I am going to talk about spiders! Spiders: bla bla bla bla"...I may be a talker but my memory cant save me out of shit!

I will take this moment to say this isnt at all what I was going to write about, god DAMN IT!
my mind wanders completely outside of the abstract lines that is my chain of thought, that is not a good style to have....





We are supposed to be a rather intelligent specie, we humans but we have some rather weird fixations and irrational thoughts and ideas! the proof of that is all the fears and phobias we have for different things that cant harm us in any way, but instead of thinking rational thoughts like: "Uuuuh, this is strange behavior I am pulling right now, this is nonsense; that little thing cant hurt me!" buut noooo, instead we climb up on the invention we created for sitting on and yell: "A MOUSE KIIIILL IT!!" : Very irrational and unnecessary reactions I must say!


Our biggest fears today has been listed and its quite estonishing on how we have answered!
Number one fear: "Talking infront of a big crowd!" THAT is number one fear for humans? HIGHLY retarded! Fear is supposed to be controlled by life- threatening situations! For instance everybody should be very frightened if we are faced with a crocodile or a shark right beneath our feet while swimming! Even being afraid of swimming is more rational than being afraid of standing up infront of a couple of meat- popsicles just like yourself, cause then we are in a habitat we cant function fully to our potential in! Thats understandable: " Hey Fred, wanna go for a swim? -No I dont want to be in that big ocean cause I am a land- walking creature and I dont belong in that! -Cant you swim? -Yes, I can swim but that doesnt matter cause every fucking thing in there is doing it better than I do it AND they LIVE IN THERE you knucklehead!!



So whats second place then? Of course: Death! NUMBER TWO? that is fucking crazy retarded!
We are afraid of dying, why!?? Because we love being alive! We like our lives and we love breathing and we laugh our way through it...And we dont want to exchange that for lying 6 feet under dirt and soil....but of course, we obviously dont like breathing as much as we like shutting the hell up in pure lonely isolation according to our fears and phobias!



So according to our biggest fears "On a funeral; we are rather lying in the casket than doing the eulogy!!" / Jerry Seinfeld Homofuckingsapiens, god damn it...

The second Self, that guy is a douché!

I have heard uniqueness is rather important. Thats funny, cause really, how unique are we? not very would be my response. Yes of course we do have (for the most time) our right to speak up and even have our own opinion!.....Well.....to some extent...
Then there are of course the anatomical rational reasons for the debate on how unique we are. We have DNA which controls our physical features but that is pretty much it!

We are not very unique and special as we would like to believe and I dont quite get where that statement is from, probably more suitable question would be: "I dont quite get from When that statement is from..." cause its probably an old saying we havent burried yet with all the other nonsense we tell each other everyday!

BEING and TALKING about the importance of being "your own person and your decisions are not anyone´s business..." is a whole different story! We are very good when it comes to talking about whats important for each and every homo sapiens on this water- covered planet, but doing it? "Well, no no no off course not, hrrrrmmmm dont we have any ginnypigs or something? Jim, can you check the dumpsters down at the shelter for one of those homeless that are living there? see if we can try it on them first!" - "Try what Bob?"- "Uuh Change Jim, just Change."

Cause how good a change could be for us, its still a "change" and we do not like change dont we?
We hate it! "wait, what? are they moving? why!? this is such a friendly neighbourhood, why would they just leave? has something happened? did their daughter got raped and brutally murdered? Is that why they left? Honey!!!,,, the...uuh the...hmm the Whats their face- family are moving!!" - "You mean the Nelssons? yeah they have lived there longer than we lived here Dan, and you didnt know their name, what do you care?" - "I DONT LIKE CHANGE!!!"

Love exaggerating things but whatever...

In fact we are not even close to being unique! Everyone of us, has at least two personalities, and I can prove it! You have your nr.1 "inside personality". this is the person you are for the most part, the one debating if you will make coffee or take a shower first in the morning, deciding what clothes you will wear for the day, this is just "You". The one (and only) personality you think you have. It contains your likes and dislikes and this person is the one who defines who you are!

But as soon as you take one step outside of your door, BOOM, this person, DEPENDING who you will meet, has VANISHED! if you only meet people that has known you forever and long before you defined your future self, close friends or family you are still you.... BUT,, meeting anyone else you are all of a sudden a complete different,,,, Moron! I mean dont you just love all the routine pointless shit-chating that goes on in every convenient- store, clothing store and just cashiers in general! These conversations are very addable to situations with people you "kind of" are familiar with too...You kind of know this guy sitting next to you on the bus, so thats why you will participate in the most awkward dialogue the world has ever seen since Shakespeare tried to do a porno! And during this "conversation" you are trying to figure out this guy´s name (not last name, his FULL NAME) and /or you are imagining that this is the final scene of the movie "Speed" and you are waiting to jump off!

But these god damn routine- chats...I cant take it anymore..its sooooo pointless. You dont know the person in front of you, you dont Want to know this person, the only reason you know this person´s name is cause she is wearing a fucking nametag and thats it! Thats the bottom of personal relationship! This person has one job to do, for now she is working for you,, to get my god damn Red Lucky Strike, taking my cash and open the register and then its GoodfuckingBye!

Sometimes I like to mess with people who is working as cashiers and test how much routines this person has in its job- descriptions!
I will represent the H and the cashier will represent the C. for obvious reasons...

C: Hello, what can I get you?
H: Uh hey, yeah can I get a pack of lucky strike?
C: red?
H: yes. (of course red, who the fuck wants blue ones these days? You are smoking so you can die faster, why do I then want a lighter version? stupid.)
C: will you pay with Cash or creditcard?
H: (guess what the fuck I am holding in my hand!?!?) uuh card.
C: That will be 45 SEK, type in your code.
H: (oooh you need the code, this is actually my fifteen THOUSAND time Im doing this) yes of course.
C: On the amount?
H: Uuh no actually can you take it on 40 SEK?
C: yes of course.....wait a minute....
H: Yes, I just made a joke. (and my mouth just uttered a phrase you´ve never heard before in your LIFE, its hard to communicate. Pull up your pants!

Fast Forwarding a pregnancy to a little child, right on the bus!

I was on the bus today and at first this was just any other ordinary bus- travel with my ipod and a few other people on the bus.. Then the bus turns right to the stop near a school...aaaa Cmoon, Fuck me sideways! The bus-stop is packed with small kids, big kids, kids who think they are adults and every single kind of kid you can think of! No one stepped off the bus, and eveeery one at the stop was going on the same bus I so convenient was on!

Every seat gets slowly occupied but there are still like 10 or so who has to stand up in the aisle.. I´m of course sitting where there are four seats, not the usually two seats.. Lucky me, I have my ipod so I dont have to listen to these 2 chicks sitting next to me babbling about whatever they are talking about after a hard day in school....Anyway, there are getting on more and more people on the bus for every stop that goes and maybe 2 stops after the school a family, with 3 kids jumps on the bus and they have to stand beside where I´m sitting.. In the seat right across mine is a third chick who is rather cute.. Then when she sees that this mother is struggling with 2 little kids while standing up, the cute girl offers her knee to the mother for one of her kids so she can hold up one of them, and the mother is sighing happily and let her kid sit on the girl´s lap! And I thought, aaah that is nice, helping a mother like that in a situation which must be rather trying; a fullpacked bus with a loot of people with 2 small children!

then I start to think about the situation... I cant understand how she wants to put herself in that situation? Another person´s kid? Maybe the kid pukes from the bumby ride right on her jacket, maybe the little one starts screaming like a ghost ( I have noticed that on the bus, small kids appearantly likes to scream as loud they can for some reason I really cant see...) what are she going to do about that? She is a perfect stranger and after what I have learned, even mothers have a hard time to keep their children quiet, how is a young woman going to handle the situation? I mean a lot of young women sometimes wishes that they could be a mother for a day and take care of a kid, but those feelings are usually hitting the surface in a nice situation when a child is laughing and playing with its mother or something, not on a freaking bus when the mother is hitting her stress- peak trying to wipe of the sweat from her forehead at the same time holding a kid on each hip...

Y´know, there are no busmother- babywelfare- money and I told her "Dont forget to give him back when you are stepping of the bus!" she laughed a little bit and answered "no I will try and remember that"... Must have felt awesome for her, for 12 minutes she was a caring mother on a bus holding her little kid, and when stepping of the bus, Boom! she is childfree and a young woman again who can go back to think and daydream about how funny the guy across her on the bus was and how cute he also was! //

Yes To Cancer and AIDS, No to Worldpeace!

When it rains it pours I guess..the last post inspired me to write this...

I had a hilarious encounter with a woman a couple of weeks ago.. It was out on a pub and I was standing outside with a cigarette in my mouth! Out comes this rather nice looking girl who I´ve already had seen inside..she kept smiling at me so I figure, hey why not talk to her, she seems nice!
So I did, I walked up to her, offered her a cigarette and she took it and I introduced myself!
I am not kidding here, this is what she said to me; " My name is amanda and I am a feminist!"

!!?? My mind started to shout in my head; "WHAAT THE HELL WAS THAT!??
where is the candid camera? Did I all of sudden participated in some sort of anonymous feminists?
was I supposed to answer to this with "Hiiiii Amanda!" ?? I couldnt believe she actually said this to me.. First I thought I should just walk away but then I actually got irritated cause can people around the world stop "standing up" for the most obvious opinions!? Its insane; "I am a feminist, join groups like "against animal torture", "for world peace"... I mean c´moooon!

I am tired of people saying the most obvious things like its their own "opinion" and how they have really thought it through! So Amanda, the feminist, I didnt know if I should have laughed or cried, So I just "yeah I am also a feminist, and I am aslo straight so do you wanna come back to my place for a little rumble between the sheets??" She slapped the hell out of me..

But feminism? standing up for the women´s rights in our society, right? Women shall have the same rights and are supposed to be equal to men? Yeah, I mean cmon who doesnt feel like that?
Isnt that the most obvious opinion you´ve heard? Feminist? Yeah who isnt? Its the same thing with all these obvious factual matters; I have the same opinions ( and I am pretty sure the rest of the world agrees, except a couple who actually is grabbing a cat and puts it in his hash-pipe) but the only difference is that I dont have to join a fuckin group to tell the world I dont like little puppies getting tortured and putted in freezers in some person´s basement, if the world is doubting on my opinion on that subject, well FUCK the world then! Lets get some perspective here, its 2009, if someone tells me aaany obvious statement in the same sentence they are telling me their name while introducing themself, I get to slap them 9 times in the face! And if it is a woman telling me she is a feminist, she only gets 6 slaps cause lets face it, we all know this already, women are weak and doesnt posses the same resistance as men!! Aaand yes I am for female abuse and also,,, I like cancer...

we know, mrs expert, Michael Moore already told us a couple of years ago!

Okey long time no see and all that...

I am pissed off!
I was watching Jay Leno a couple of hours ago and on the show there was this female "political expert" who has a show on MSNBC.. Rachel Maddow or something was her name.. Political issues in the U.S are now a hot subject which is fully understandable cause they have encountered an election which has already made history with a minority in the oval office, and all around the world people are loving the new changes! Another thing that is worth mentioning is that it wasnt his etnicity that made it happen, Obama is the right man for the position! Although he doesnt have a huge portion of political experience, he posses something greater; a passion and a strong will to make a difference for the american people and to get them out of the huge puddle of crap, which the Bush administration putted them in!
They are in a huge economical crise (which they have in common with the rest of the world) and of course their pathetic health care system! Which leads me to why this post was created...

The political expert on jay leno was there to throw yet another opinion- molotov cocktail through the republican´s window! And I am all for that, cause they have to realize that now is time for the democrats to step in and fix their failures, so please stay out of it now Republicans! You had your chance... So Jay is interviewing this woman and yes at first she really sounds like an "Expert" in this particular discussion, she seems to be on top of her game and well- read! But a couple of minutes into the interview I choke on the big portion of obviousity (dont know if thats a word..) that comes out of her mouth!

She goes on saying that their present health care system is ridiculous and stupid! Only some percent of the american people has an health insurance and how much money it cost to be sick in America.. She says it would be reasonable if they actually would have had the best health care system in the world and that the american population are the healthiest and fittest people in the world and that the average american is growing up to be 300 years old! Then it would be understandable with such an expensive system but that is of course not the case..What she means is that its perfectly reasonable to pay those huge amounts if you are getting something worth while! You pay good money for something that is great, of course! But now they dont, they are paying insanely much money for a crappy system with a bunch of holes in it! Who wants to do that?

What ticks me off with the whole thing, she is supposed to be an expert! She gets that precious air time to say something that can help the viewers start believing again, that now things will be better! But all she does with that time is preaching to the choir! Anybody could go up there and make exactly the same discussion! An Expert! She is supposed to deliver answers not questions!
"Our present health care system is ridiculous!" Uuuuh, yeah I could tell you that! Michael Moore has already mentioned that! Eeeverybody has seen Sicko, Rachel make something worth while with your time! An Expert my ass, every hobo on each street corner can tell you that the health care system is boloni and they can probably give us a more insightfull opinion cause he can actually give us a personal example related to the story! That would be more insightful and learning than with a lesbian political expert, and she is probably one of those few people who actually has an insurance which she pays with the money from hogging valuable air time on a million- audience- TV show! There she does her appearences with just questions and obvious statements but no answers, Goood I hope that her own show do answer some questions cause otherwise I dont know what the hell is going on!

Fanta, Cola, water..,..Rape??

But yeah every city has its charm but every place always has something that they cant really be proud of! For instance I cant imagine americans are very proud of that over 30000 people are dying in gunrelated situations every year! I dont think Germany are particullary jolly over the fact that one of the biggest murderers in history were leading their country for a couple of years back in the days...Agreed? So, yeah every place in the world has something they want to forget but sometimes those things are pretty funny when you are deep smack in the middle of it!

I was in Barcelona a couple of months ago and drugdealers are waiting for you on every streetcorner you are strolling down on! At first its something you really reflect on and you think you can change the world with just saying the words, "Did you hear that guy? He was trying to sell narcotics to me, right on the street! That is so wrong, I cant believe this, I am chocked, CHOCKED!" Cause that´s how we function, especially swedes when going to other places that isnt Sweden! But pretty quickly you realize you cant do shit cause you are an unsignificant fuck and in reality; nothing is perfect! So, you can either feel bad about it and think about every shit that goes on, or you can just let it go and move on cause you cant do anything about it! So just Foorget that people are dying needlessly in diseases and due to drugs around the world, shit happens, roll with it, nothing is sacred anymore and nothing is perfect! So as soon you realize that you cant do anything about it, you can just find a way to live your own life simultaneously to all the shit that goes on in the world!

And that´s when you can see the funny part in almost everything! I did that, when I was at the beach one day, and this is by the way in the middle of broad daylight around lunchtime, and this spanish dude comes up to me. He starts offering things and his verbal list starts with legal shit and just spirals down to any crap you can think of! I am just chilling and this dude, and for the record, this dude wasnt the only one, no they were at least 10 dudes walking around offering the same thing every other minute! Like after my first no I all off a sudden is in a desperate need of "Hashish" as they so proudly pronounces it! But yeah this dude comes up and just casually starts to offer me in this verbally putted list of his, just like; "What do you want? water, fanta, cola, sprite.. beer....hashiiish??" Haha I just love the fact that he starts out slow with regular soft drinks and just keep going down the list with wierder and wierder suggestions and for every offer he presents to me, the pause between them are longer and longer due to the fact that what he really wants to sell is the things that are in the bottom of his list! He probably doesnt even have any soft drinks at all, he is just there to sell his weed and he think he has come up with the best system in the world to keep it on the down low! If I would have said; "uuuh yeah a coke would be awesome!", He probably would get upset and say; "A coke!?? Are you fucking stupid, you think I am standing here trying to sell soft drinks!?" You know, he just starts judging me for asking him for a coke, just like; "A Coke? There is a 7-eleven right THERE! How lazy are you!??"
and just wandering off really slow, still mumbling like; "stupid tourists...coke..pff..fucking moron.."But of course in spanish but you know I only took spanish courses for the field trip to party a lot in Spain, like everyother kid that takes language courses... To learn??... Fuck that...

But it would be awesome if every criminal should do that list- kind of a thing everytime before they commit a crime! Like if a criminal came up to a girl on the street in the middle of the night, just like; "What do you want? Robbery? I can rob you and steal like your handbag...Assault? Huuuh what do you think, I can just round up my buddies and we could like kick you and punch you til you actually give us all of your money, that´s pretty cool right? Or check this out, how about rape and manslaughter!? That is personally my favourite! Like I start talking to you really nice and then I slap you to the ground and drag you to the closest bushes and tear off all your clothes and then I top it of by hanging you in a tree so it will look like suicide!? Huh, how about that?" She is like; "uuhm, I think I will pass this time, raincheck, OK? But maybe I will come back to this streetcorner next week and get some of that sexual abuse, ok?"

It would be much easier to avoid problems, I think!
peace